I did not know it would be that soon. A Japanese colleague mentioned that he plays some golf (or practice in the driving range) and I asked if we can do it together sometime in the future. Two days after he came back to me with another jap colleague who seemed to be more keen about the matter. And they set the schedule four days after. i said yes thinking at the back of my mind when was the last time I had a hold on a golf club – it was about 11 years back. And I was not even good.

It was gloomy and raining the day before we were set to play, and my ‘golf comrades’ were doubtful if it was going to be sunny or at least fine enough that Saturday. The japanese and Mongolian forecasts predicted opposing weathers. So we just agreed that if it was not raining that morning, we will proceed with the plan.

I got up at 6. had tinola (chicken stew) for breakfast, done with my shower at 715. still gloomy morning but no rains so far. Also got my call confirming as planned.

The trip was about 70 kms away from the capital. There was no rain during the ride. I and 3 japs were set to play 18 holes that day.

We reached terelj where the only golf course in mongolia can be found. It is a national park, and famous for its distinct rock formations. The sun was not out. But there was no rain either. The clubs were put on carts. My colleagues had their own while I rented mine. We had female caddies – young college students doing part time work on weekends.

I did my first shot – missed the ball. Several attempts till I hit it and left hole number 1 a few meters away. My older jap colleague couldn’t help himself from giggling.

After two hours on the fairways and greens, it started drizzling. Consistent enough to wet our shirts and jackets. To each his own mishaps in the hits and swings. After 9 holes and about 5 hours, we decided to cut our play short. i ranked last.

We proceeded to a nearby hotel restaurant for lunch. It was fun despite the wet and overcast weather. I learned a lot from my jap acquaintances – some basics of golf, Japanese golf terms like ‘tempura ball’ (flying ball), views on working in Mongolia, and other personal stuff. It was not just a weekend about hitting a ball to get into a hole.

Now I think I will have a new sport to be good at.

flight was on tuesday morning at 8. a good friend accompanied me to the airport. i was supposed to arrive in manila at 10-ish pm and catch the midnight bus home. but my plane was late. i was on the bus the next day at 3 pm.

arriving in the hospital at past midnight and seeing my dad on the hospital bed – with eyes closed, several tubes on him, the breathing movement on his chest, the monitors around, i felt a numbing kind of pain. i tried to pacify myself while asking the nurses about his condition. but a few minutes later, i just had to get out. and again, all the sobbing came back just like what happened during the weekend. i just had to cry myself in pain.

the next few days were routine. dad was semicomatose. although i was told by the doctors that his case was irreversible, i made sure his medications and other basic medical requirements were provided.

on saturday after lunch, i dropped by. this time, i talked to him , and even led him in prayer. i told him that i was letting him go if he wanted me to do so. that i was going to be alright. i left and came back again later at 5:30. he looked peaceful. i left again because it was not visiting hours yet. at around 7, my stepmom called me to say he was gone.

i went to the hospital. there were my immediate relatives around. i took a glimpse of my old man now finally rested in his bed.

in the ‘cool’ character my father has come to know and admire me, i took hold of myself and focused on the requirements of the succeeding hours. i just did it and even managed to have dinner on the side.

i knew this was how he would have wanted me to behave.

not a fool

that they are.

the bad that is,

cynical and risky,

the life i live.

trusting they do

and peace they have.

i wander

from tree to tree,

wings spread wide.

effort

my all,

a bit

of theirs.

chances,

my hands are full.

and i take

to the utmost,

with all abandon.

not caring

yet i know

i fear,

sooner or later

it covers

the self.

once true,

honest

good.

now marred

with shadows

of defeat,

restlessness

and uncertainty,

holding

to the remains

of hope

and pride,

wishing,

praying

for a glimpse

of the light.

a victor,

not a victim

of the dark.

i was going home to see my father who suddenly became critically ill. he had been in and out of the hospital for the last few weeks in december. he was complaining about arthritis. he was initially diagnosed for kidney infection.

he was in the hospital then and i called him on a saturday afternoon. lately i had been calling him everyday. it was our usual talk but that time there were long pauses between his answers. he seemed not to be hearing me or maybe ignoring me. and i felt so bad, and as if there there was a big lump in my throat. i tried to keep our conversation longer. but he was not reacting the way he used to. after that call, i cried and sobbed like it was for a dead man. i seemed to know what was forthcoming. i wanted to go home to the philippines.

the next day i called again – only to find out he was diagnosed of cancer and that he had a stroke – a serious one. he was already unconscious. i was asked to go home. and so i did.

beijing capital airport

a floral cornucopia

 
a conglomeration of phalaenopsis orchids

 

with the negative temperatures lasting for several months, ice sculptures were very appropriate for the outdoors.

a filipino couple hosted dinner. we also brought food and drinks. there was karaoke after. celebrating christmas in mongolia was not bad after all…